OUOhYeah I am Too Old For This…

*Shout out to all the people who told me at homecoming they loved my blog posts. I would have never guessed some of you could have even been paid to read this. Like who the fuck reads this? I will never get it. But thank you for the ego inflation*

Wake up, scratch off the dried up drool on the right side of my cheek, look around to figure out where I am, grab my skull to stabilize my thoughts, dig out my phone which miraculously is still alive at 3% battery life (just enough life to figure out where all my friends are), snag my shoes, and slink out of this ambiguous house and stumble outside where the sun is shining and everyone is judging the fuck out of me.

A scene I was way too familiar with; and was the building blocks for my mental breakdown merely 5 months ago. How too easy it was to slip back into the person I hated and moved away from. As I hung my head and did what I could to mentally avoid my moral hangover, I thought about how much I did not miss this college Kelly.

Now I had an amazing time. I drank, partied, let free of responsibility and being HR appropriate, I got ate a Big Mamas burrito, and be in the company of the greatest people I will ever meet in the best place on the planet. However, I could not do it again. I can finally see why all the alumna I use to text saying "come down this weekend!!!!" would either say no or just not respond to me. Athens is Neverland. It is a place where you never grow up and nothing changes, however time moves forward without you. Everything is the same when you go back, except you.

I did a bunch of stupid shit this past weekend. Some is too embarrassing to write down.  However the less embarrassing stuff had to do with fighting the bartenders at Crystal because I was trying to sneak in through the back or break into the cooler room. Running around the Sigma Kappa house going "where the fuck is my little?!". Making up Florida social facts like "in Florida they call drugs diesel fuel... " just... because I could. Shoveling a burrito, cheese balls, a corn dog, and pizza in my mouth because I HAD TO EAT IT ALL BEFORE I LEFT!!!! Walking into a Sigma Kappa social and saying "don't fucking trust Acacia boys! or any frat boys for that. Listen to big sister Kelly! Fuck boys... hey want a job? Come work with me in Florida. You're a freshman? Go fuck yourself." And finally drunk texting my coworkers... like my real life business coworkers.

So as you can see... I had a good time. 

When I originally wrote this blog I called out a lot of people and a lot of scenarios. I called out the people I had drama with that still stared me down in the bar, especially since I hadn't thought about them or crossed paths with them in months so I didn't understand why they were still so angry to see me. I ripped apart my college ex boyfriend of two years who is not really allowed to talk to me anymore and has no interest in being friends post-breakup but thought it was okay to wave and say "hi" to me when his new girlfriend wasn't looking; as if to pretend that him dismissing our two years of life together was not a big deal. I called out my bar and how much they moved on without me and how I wasn't apart of the family anymore and therefore cannot jump over the bar to make my own drinks nonchalantly. I talked about my sorority and how the house is the same and the drama is the same and how the character of the sorority was the same.. except I didn't know the names of over half the girls in it. And I ranted about out my college obsession who I was convinced I was in love with but in reality he didn't care about me, my new Florida life, my job, or anything about me and how he never did and just how pathetic he made me look and feel..

But after writing each and every one of my rants (which each took up 2 pages in Microsoft word because I wrote them on the airplane and I couldn't pull up Blogger) I realized I didn't want to put anyone on blast. I also didn't feel like I was being very true to my feelings and the realizations that I had. I was merely reflecting stories of my encounters with each of them and trying to exaggerate it in the way that I do to make it a juicy story at their expense. But reality was, I did not care. I wanted to care more. I wanted to be more embarrassed and uncomfortable by my actions and encounters this past weekend... but I wasn't.

It must have been somewhere in between crushing up a plastic cup into a shovel-like tool to scoop off my friend’s puke from the bar stool and sending my fifth "hEy... yor going to fucking miss me wen i leave... u shuld see me NOQW! FUck you.. no i Didnt mean tha" text to my estranged college obsession, I realized how far I have come with my transformation as a person in the real world. I found myself missing my friends from work, thinking about how I wish I was at Briny’s after a kickball game instead of The Crystal, and how I wish I wasn’t crashing on a couch but mooching a ride off a friend to get back to my apartment where I would wash my face, make a cup of tea and cuddle my cat Paco in my overpriced, bayside apartment.

I loved college, and I still love Ohio, however when I made the decision to move to a brand new city where I did not know a soul, I was not punishing myself like I constantly have acted like. Even up to the last minute where my flight got cancelled and I tried reaching everyone I could to find a place to kill some time, I called my high school ex boyfriend out of desperation and he told me he couldn't hang out with me because he had a new girlfriend. Offended and irritated all i wanted to do was yell "IDGAF dude it has been ages since we have hung out and you might never see me again and I dont want to like bang, I just need to kill some time until my friends wake up from their nap!" but instead it sounded more like

"What? Who?... i dont know why I asked it's not like I know... well how girlfriend is "girlfriend" because you know I have called people my boyfriend before without them knowing or agreeing to be my boyfriend ya know?.... oh 5 months of dating? Yeah that is a real life girlfriend.... No no no I will be fine. Yeah just like.. best of luck to you. Yeah no I have someone on my other line to pick me up. Yeah just BYE!!!" *click*

Then I reached out to Catherine, who i originally didn't want to bother because I knew she had a career and a life and she took care of me like the big sister she is. But that was just it, even my ex boyfriend didn't see me as an adult but as the teenager in high schooler. And that is why I moved away. I sent myself to Florida to give myself a fresh start, free from people with the preknowledge of my life. I knew that Ohio had nothing left to give me and when I decided to leave I left with a clear head, free from that mentality people have where they just miss their past. I needed to grow beyond what I could do in Ohio. Not because of other people per say, but because I knew I would never allow myself to be seen as anything other than who I was already defined as.

However what I did realize from my trip was everything Ohio gave me. I gained a thousand experiences. I made the best friends in the entire world! My best friends will always be better than yours. I networked. And I grew up a lot, enough to know that I needed to leave comfort behind and move somewhere where I could grow even more.

I spent a lot of time with the grass is always greener” mentality, but it took one last travel back in time to remind me that I don’t want to be a crazy party –girl. College Kelly would be disgusted in myself for feeling this way and probably say something along the lines of “okay buzz kill, sorry while I party harder than you”. But at the same time post-grad Kelly is disgusted with the reminder of who College Kelly is.

And I think that is what your first homecoming is supposed to be all about.

Aggressive Sales Job 101: Hunt or be Hunted.

People are naturally competitive. If you're not in any way or claim not to be, then I automatically mentally move you to the bottom of our societal food chain. Since the beginning of time men have been competing for the best resources and most fertile woman while women have been competing for the most luxury to raise their children in. Competition is apart of life.

This is why my job is so interesting to me. When I first started my job, I thought I would be entering a world of staffing, communications, and medical knowledge. However, that is hardly the case. I have finally come to grips with the idea that I am in a hard core sales jobs... which is all I never wanted to do. When I was in college I wanted to be one of those people who had an easy artsy job where I would write or communicate or do internet research and report back.

That is exactly it. I was going down a path of getting a job where I would be doing a lot of reporting and getting a base salary. Not having real control over my day to day life other than kissing ass and hoping for a raise. Why? Because they were easy and some looked "chic". I thought it would be cool to graduate and come back for Homecoming and go "Yeahhhh I am a Social Media Specialist" or something like that. Those were the jobs I was applying for. Including the one I am currently in now.

When I first started my job I thought it would be sweet and easy. Just making some calls and playing matchmaker with doctors and a job. But that is not it at all. I am in a hard core aggressive sales job. Where I balance the act of finding a doctor, getting in contact with a doctor, keeping the doctor on the phone, winning the trust of doctor, finding him a job he/she likes, getting them to do the paper work, and then doing a thousand behind the scene acts of getting a doctor credentialed with us an a hospital.... all before someone else can swoop in and steal my doctor as their own. As it just so happens, there is only so many available doctors out there and not nearly enough to go around to those who are no aggressive enough to get them.

In fact, just so we are clear to what extent I am talking about here, my work day starts at 9... however I stroll into work every day at 6 (and on Saturdays at 8)  because we have this thing called a "lead box" where doctors can directly inquire about wanting to do some part time hospital gig. This is literally the easiest way to get a doctor working for you because it is literally them saying "hey, I want to work. Call me so I can make you commission," so the goal is to get into the office before someone else does so you can drain those leads and have more for yourself. And if we are being honest, the only reason I go in at 6 and not 5 or 4 AM is because that is when the building itself opens up, or you can best believe I would be waking up at 4 to go grab some leads. In fact the only reason I am writing this blog right now is because I went to the office early this morning to pull some leads and realized I forgot my key card and there is no way anybody was going to let me in to compete with them grabbing leads. And I am not even mad about it. Dumb Mistake on my part.

After you grab a lead, you have 24 hours to contact them or 48 to make 2 way contact, after that is a free for all. I don't cheat, I can say that very pridefully. I don't need to cheat, because setting reminders for when 48 hours is up on a lead is very easy to do. However I can tell a lot of people become victim to the stress of not getting ahold of their leads when there are sharks like me and a few others on the team. They lie and will document that they have had two way contact with the doctor so that nobody else will call them... but when I do and I get their resume and then I get them presented at a job two days later... management gets pretty pissed. And it is no offense that they didn't call you back... it is just my e-mail was typed better than you or my voicemail stuck out more. It truly is a gamble on every doctor.

But it doesnt just end with leads... you have to sell jobs to your doctors and sell your doctor to the hospital. There are two people on our team, the people who work with finding the doctors and the guys who work with finding the jobs to send the doctors to. So on top of me finding the doctors, I have to find them a job to interview at based off the ones the facility side guys find. So first, you have to convince your doctor WHY they should leave their home in Boston and travel to Arkansas and do a shit ton of paperwork to get them working at a strange hospital they have never been to and will never see until their first day of work.

"Hey Doc you only want to go an hour from your home? Hmmm I just had a job there not too long ago but hey! I do currently have a job in Arkansas! The license is insanely easy to get and it is in a cute city. Very southern, lots of comfort food. Tyson Chicken factory is in the town itself! What? You don't feel comfortable going to Arkansas? Why? How can I get you there? Doc for an American trained doctor such as yourself they would pay 10 dollars an hour more than an average perm job would, which means at the end of your one week on one week off assignment you will have made $10,080 more doing the job you love in a new exciting city. Its an adventure! Except paying to go on an adventure,we are paying for you. Let me set up an interview. I think you are going to love it. HEY! Look at all these Groupons I found for the area! There is so much for you to do. Do you like lazer tag? They have one near the hospital. And ooooooo look! There is a rodeo there too! Ever been to a rodeo before? I didn't think so. Let's set this up, I think you are going to like this much better than doing the norm and staying home. Wait until you're old to do that. I thought you wanted to make money... $10,000 dollars extra doctor! You can take your wife to Hawaii! Put your wife on the phone please..."

And you have to convince the guys who work with the hospital WHY your doctor you got in contact is more fit to go than your best friend's in the cubicle next to you.

"He has one malpractice case and it was thrown out. He wasn't even in the room at the time he was just named in it. Besides he has full time availability, one week on one week off, for several months and he is American trained which means that he can get licensed pretty quickly. What? You mean Larry's (sorry Larry, just using you for the drama of the blog) doctor has already been presented over there? Fuck Larry's doctor. He cant offer full time schedule. Is he even board certified? Family Practice?! No I dont think so. My guy is straight up internal medicine board certified. Look look look at his resume, John Hopkins. My guy has fucking worked at John Hopkins. Has Larry's doctor worked at John Hopkins? *grabs Larry's Doc's CV* No dude look at that, this doctor is hardly even out of residency he doesn't know anything about the real world. Take mine instead. I am going to send you information about my doctor so you can send it to the facility okay? I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF LARRYS DOCTOR ALREADY HAS A FUCKING ARKANSAS LICENSE! MY DOCTOR IS WILLING TO GET LICENSED AND IT CAN HAPPEN FAST. SENDING IT, SENDING IT, SENDING IT!"

*10 minutes later*

"Hey did you send my doctor to the facility?"

And I hate to make it sound like I use doctors as a pawn to get my commission check because that is absolutely not how I see it. When I get a doctor, I feel more like an aggressive parent. The approach I use is befriending and gaining the trust of the doctor, which is what most successful sales consultants do there! I would never send my doctor somewhere I know they would be unhappy. However, I will push for them to go somewhere that will be beneficial for them and myself. I want my doctors to be happy, because if they're happy and they trust me, then we have a future together full of business and more than just one commission check. And with that is battling the facility side guys... they don't care about me or my doctor. And why should they? They can send my doctor to the tundra of North Dakota in the middle of winter because their job is to fill the vacant spot for the hospital, not build a relationship with that doctor. Nobody is looking out for me and my provider other than myself, and it is my job to be protective and strategic with what I do with them. And this is the balancing act of strategy and sales that I have fallen in love with.

I remember on my first month there one of our facility side guys opened a job in Houston (which never ever happens) and everyone who was a relatively seasoned consultant was calling their book of doctors who have previously inquired about wanting to work in Houston. I simply kept calling our huge database and came upon a doctor who said they wanted to work in Houston! Very excited I went to tell them about the job and realized I couldnt find any information about it. I told the doctor I would call them back and went up to the guy who opened the job and said...
"Hey what are the details on the Houston job?"
he replied with
"It is a Houston job... how hard can it be to sell that?"
baffled I went
"uhm... i just talked to a doctor who wants to work there..."
"okay cool... well then sell it"
"Well i dont know anything about the job to tell them. How big is the hospital"
"Figure it out"
"... uhm...okay" *spends half hour trying to find out information*
"Uhm... i cant find anything. Please tell me some info"
"I dont know Ginsburg, make it up"
outraged I go
"I am sorry! Am I wasting your fucking time by asking you this?!"
"No Ginsburg, you are wasting your time."

And then it hit me... he did not give a fuck that I had a doctor who wanted to work with Houston. I was so insignificant to him and his world of things going on that if I didn't have the knowledge to sell this job then I wasn't worth his time because there was 20 other consultants selling the job to doctors they already knew everything about. My rando doctor meant nothing to him... and there was nothing I could do about it. To some of you this story may sound harsh or mean but it was the BEST lesson I have learned thus far of being in the sales world... sink or swim.

I believe Legally Blonde the musical said it best "Only some of you will turn out sharks, just some. The rest are chum."

It is funny to think about because I have only been there around two months since that incident and I already know how foolish I probably looked at that moment. I WAS wasting his time and mine. And to a sales driven man like that; time is money and if I am wasting time I am wasting money. As angry as I was at that moment, it taught me a lot and changed my whole perspective on my job and made me the shark I am becoming now... but I would never tell him that because that guy is an over confident ass hole who doesn't need my compliments to make his head bigger than it is. And I vowed to get as many doctors as I could and NEVER place them in his jobs because I don't want to give him the satisfaction of making commission off my doctors because he was SO mean to me when I was new and merely a caterpillar.

I have recently booked a doctor with this guy.

Hunt or be hunted, that is what I have learned. This job is not for everybody, especially those who are sensitive and feel victimized by the world. People who blame external events on their failures are teh kind of people who don't survive this job
"OMG she stole my doctor"
"OMG I cant get any leads because everyone pulls them before me"
"OMG she is just placing a doctor because she kisses ass"
"OMG my manager is out to get me"
"OMG why is everyone so mean to me here?"
These people leave. It is only those who take control of their fate and accept failure as lessons that do well. There is a special kind of joy that one feels when they feel they completely control their career path. '

So unless you have the mindset more like...
"No, your doctor was stolen because you slacked and didn't follow up"
"No, you didnt get a lead because you dont come in early or on Saturdays and decided bed was more important"
"No, you just decided to be an introvert and not make the right connections"
"No, you just decided to fight your manager other than just go with it"
"No, you just piss people off with your bitching"
You will probably fail.

When I first started everyone said "this job is hard" well yeah it is hard! Because it is all based on learning, being aggressive, being strategic, being personable, and not being a huge pussy who blames other people for their problems. Only strong people can take accountability for all their actions. In this job, you are not a victim of anyone other than yourself.

And this mentality is what is helping me become so successful in my job. Movies like Boiler Room and Wolf of Wall Street are now relatable to me. Every minute of every hour of every day is a chance to take control of your career and make something happen and make great money. It is tiring and exhausting and mentally draining, but if I was doing something else now, I feel I would be bored.

And now.. I am late for work and at least one of my doctors has probably been swooped up. Fuck.