OUOhYeah I am Too Old For This…

*Shout out to all the people who told me at homecoming they loved my blog posts. I would have never guessed some of you could have even been paid to read this. Like who the fuck reads this? I will never get it. But thank you for the ego inflation*

Wake up, scratch off the dried up drool on the right side of my cheek, look around to figure out where I am, grab my skull to stabilize my thoughts, dig out my phone which miraculously is still alive at 3% battery life (just enough life to figure out where all my friends are), snag my shoes, and slink out of this ambiguous house and stumble outside where the sun is shining and everyone is judging the fuck out of me.

A scene I was way too familiar with; and was the building blocks for my mental breakdown merely 5 months ago. How too easy it was to slip back into the person I hated and moved away from. As I hung my head and did what I could to mentally avoid my moral hangover, I thought about how much I did not miss this college Kelly.

Now I had an amazing time. I drank, partied, let free of responsibility and being HR appropriate, I got ate a Big Mamas burrito, and be in the company of the greatest people I will ever meet in the best place on the planet. However, I could not do it again. I can finally see why all the alumna I use to text saying "come down this weekend!!!!" would either say no or just not respond to me. Athens is Neverland. It is a place where you never grow up and nothing changes, however time moves forward without you. Everything is the same when you go back, except you.

I did a bunch of stupid shit this past weekend. Some is too embarrassing to write down.  However the less embarrassing stuff had to do with fighting the bartenders at Crystal because I was trying to sneak in through the back or break into the cooler room. Running around the Sigma Kappa house going "where the fuck is my little?!". Making up Florida social facts like "in Florida they call drugs diesel fuel... " just... because I could. Shoveling a burrito, cheese balls, a corn dog, and pizza in my mouth because I HAD TO EAT IT ALL BEFORE I LEFT!!!! Walking into a Sigma Kappa social and saying "don't fucking trust Acacia boys! or any frat boys for that. Listen to big sister Kelly! Fuck boys... hey want a job? Come work with me in Florida. You're a freshman? Go fuck yourself." And finally drunk texting my coworkers... like my real life business coworkers.

So as you can see... I had a good time. 

When I originally wrote this blog I called out a lot of people and a lot of scenarios. I called out the people I had drama with that still stared me down in the bar, especially since I hadn't thought about them or crossed paths with them in months so I didn't understand why they were still so angry to see me. I ripped apart my college ex boyfriend of two years who is not really allowed to talk to me anymore and has no interest in being friends post-breakup but thought it was okay to wave and say "hi" to me when his new girlfriend wasn't looking; as if to pretend that him dismissing our two years of life together was not a big deal. I called out my bar and how much they moved on without me and how I wasn't apart of the family anymore and therefore cannot jump over the bar to make my own drinks nonchalantly. I talked about my sorority and how the house is the same and the drama is the same and how the character of the sorority was the same.. except I didn't know the names of over half the girls in it. And I ranted about out my college obsession who I was convinced I was in love with but in reality he didn't care about me, my new Florida life, my job, or anything about me and how he never did and just how pathetic he made me look and feel..

But after writing each and every one of my rants (which each took up 2 pages in Microsoft word because I wrote them on the airplane and I couldn't pull up Blogger) I realized I didn't want to put anyone on blast. I also didn't feel like I was being very true to my feelings and the realizations that I had. I was merely reflecting stories of my encounters with each of them and trying to exaggerate it in the way that I do to make it a juicy story at their expense. But reality was, I did not care. I wanted to care more. I wanted to be more embarrassed and uncomfortable by my actions and encounters this past weekend... but I wasn't.

It must have been somewhere in between crushing up a plastic cup into a shovel-like tool to scoop off my friend’s puke from the bar stool and sending my fifth "hEy... yor going to fucking miss me wen i leave... u shuld see me NOQW! FUck you.. no i Didnt mean tha" text to my estranged college obsession, I realized how far I have come with my transformation as a person in the real world. I found myself missing my friends from work, thinking about how I wish I was at Briny’s after a kickball game instead of The Crystal, and how I wish I wasn’t crashing on a couch but mooching a ride off a friend to get back to my apartment where I would wash my face, make a cup of tea and cuddle my cat Paco in my overpriced, bayside apartment.

I loved college, and I still love Ohio, however when I made the decision to move to a brand new city where I did not know a soul, I was not punishing myself like I constantly have acted like. Even up to the last minute where my flight got cancelled and I tried reaching everyone I could to find a place to kill some time, I called my high school ex boyfriend out of desperation and he told me he couldn't hang out with me because he had a new girlfriend. Offended and irritated all i wanted to do was yell "IDGAF dude it has been ages since we have hung out and you might never see me again and I dont want to like bang, I just need to kill some time until my friends wake up from their nap!" but instead it sounded more like

"What? Who?... i dont know why I asked it's not like I know... well how girlfriend is "girlfriend" because you know I have called people my boyfriend before without them knowing or agreeing to be my boyfriend ya know?.... oh 5 months of dating? Yeah that is a real life girlfriend.... No no no I will be fine. Yeah just like.. best of luck to you. Yeah no I have someone on my other line to pick me up. Yeah just BYE!!!" *click*

Then I reached out to Catherine, who i originally didn't want to bother because I knew she had a career and a life and she took care of me like the big sister she is. But that was just it, even my ex boyfriend didn't see me as an adult but as the teenager in high schooler. And that is why I moved away. I sent myself to Florida to give myself a fresh start, free from people with the preknowledge of my life. I knew that Ohio had nothing left to give me and when I decided to leave I left with a clear head, free from that mentality people have where they just miss their past. I needed to grow beyond what I could do in Ohio. Not because of other people per say, but because I knew I would never allow myself to be seen as anything other than who I was already defined as.

However what I did realize from my trip was everything Ohio gave me. I gained a thousand experiences. I made the best friends in the entire world! My best friends will always be better than yours. I networked. And I grew up a lot, enough to know that I needed to leave comfort behind and move somewhere where I could grow even more.

I spent a lot of time with the grass is always greener” mentality, but it took one last travel back in time to remind me that I don’t want to be a crazy party –girl. College Kelly would be disgusted in myself for feeling this way and probably say something along the lines of “okay buzz kill, sorry while I party harder than you”. But at the same time post-grad Kelly is disgusted with the reminder of who College Kelly is.

And I think that is what your first homecoming is supposed to be all about.

Aggressive Sales Job 101: Hunt or be Hunted.

People are naturally competitive. If you're not in any way or claim not to be, then I automatically mentally move you to the bottom of our societal food chain. Since the beginning of time men have been competing for the best resources and most fertile woman while women have been competing for the most luxury to raise their children in. Competition is apart of life.

This is why my job is so interesting to me. When I first started my job, I thought I would be entering a world of staffing, communications, and medical knowledge. However, that is hardly the case. I have finally come to grips with the idea that I am in a hard core sales jobs... which is all I never wanted to do. When I was in college I wanted to be one of those people who had an easy artsy job where I would write or communicate or do internet research and report back.

That is exactly it. I was going down a path of getting a job where I would be doing a lot of reporting and getting a base salary. Not having real control over my day to day life other than kissing ass and hoping for a raise. Why? Because they were easy and some looked "chic". I thought it would be cool to graduate and come back for Homecoming and go "Yeahhhh I am a Social Media Specialist" or something like that. Those were the jobs I was applying for. Including the one I am currently in now.

When I first started my job I thought it would be sweet and easy. Just making some calls and playing matchmaker with doctors and a job. But that is not it at all. I am in a hard core aggressive sales job. Where I balance the act of finding a doctor, getting in contact with a doctor, keeping the doctor on the phone, winning the trust of doctor, finding him a job he/she likes, getting them to do the paper work, and then doing a thousand behind the scene acts of getting a doctor credentialed with us an a hospital.... all before someone else can swoop in and steal my doctor as their own. As it just so happens, there is only so many available doctors out there and not nearly enough to go around to those who are no aggressive enough to get them.

In fact, just so we are clear to what extent I am talking about here, my work day starts at 9... however I stroll into work every day at 6 (and on Saturdays at 8)  because we have this thing called a "lead box" where doctors can directly inquire about wanting to do some part time hospital gig. This is literally the easiest way to get a doctor working for you because it is literally them saying "hey, I want to work. Call me so I can make you commission," so the goal is to get into the office before someone else does so you can drain those leads and have more for yourself. And if we are being honest, the only reason I go in at 6 and not 5 or 4 AM is because that is when the building itself opens up, or you can best believe I would be waking up at 4 to go grab some leads. In fact the only reason I am writing this blog right now is because I went to the office early this morning to pull some leads and realized I forgot my key card and there is no way anybody was going to let me in to compete with them grabbing leads. And I am not even mad about it. Dumb Mistake on my part.

After you grab a lead, you have 24 hours to contact them or 48 to make 2 way contact, after that is a free for all. I don't cheat, I can say that very pridefully. I don't need to cheat, because setting reminders for when 48 hours is up on a lead is very easy to do. However I can tell a lot of people become victim to the stress of not getting ahold of their leads when there are sharks like me and a few others on the team. They lie and will document that they have had two way contact with the doctor so that nobody else will call them... but when I do and I get their resume and then I get them presented at a job two days later... management gets pretty pissed. And it is no offense that they didn't call you back... it is just my e-mail was typed better than you or my voicemail stuck out more. It truly is a gamble on every doctor.

But it doesnt just end with leads... you have to sell jobs to your doctors and sell your doctor to the hospital. There are two people on our team, the people who work with finding the doctors and the guys who work with finding the jobs to send the doctors to. So on top of me finding the doctors, I have to find them a job to interview at based off the ones the facility side guys find. So first, you have to convince your doctor WHY they should leave their home in Boston and travel to Arkansas and do a shit ton of paperwork to get them working at a strange hospital they have never been to and will never see until their first day of work.

"Hey Doc you only want to go an hour from your home? Hmmm I just had a job there not too long ago but hey! I do currently have a job in Arkansas! The license is insanely easy to get and it is in a cute city. Very southern, lots of comfort food. Tyson Chicken factory is in the town itself! What? You don't feel comfortable going to Arkansas? Why? How can I get you there? Doc for an American trained doctor such as yourself they would pay 10 dollars an hour more than an average perm job would, which means at the end of your one week on one week off assignment you will have made $10,080 more doing the job you love in a new exciting city. Its an adventure! Except paying to go on an adventure,we are paying for you. Let me set up an interview. I think you are going to love it. HEY! Look at all these Groupons I found for the area! There is so much for you to do. Do you like lazer tag? They have one near the hospital. And ooooooo look! There is a rodeo there too! Ever been to a rodeo before? I didn't think so. Let's set this up, I think you are going to like this much better than doing the norm and staying home. Wait until you're old to do that. I thought you wanted to make money... $10,000 dollars extra doctor! You can take your wife to Hawaii! Put your wife on the phone please..."

And you have to convince the guys who work with the hospital WHY your doctor you got in contact is more fit to go than your best friend's in the cubicle next to you.

"He has one malpractice case and it was thrown out. He wasn't even in the room at the time he was just named in it. Besides he has full time availability, one week on one week off, for several months and he is American trained which means that he can get licensed pretty quickly. What? You mean Larry's (sorry Larry, just using you for the drama of the blog) doctor has already been presented over there? Fuck Larry's doctor. He cant offer full time schedule. Is he even board certified? Family Practice?! No I dont think so. My guy is straight up internal medicine board certified. Look look look at his resume, John Hopkins. My guy has fucking worked at John Hopkins. Has Larry's doctor worked at John Hopkins? *grabs Larry's Doc's CV* No dude look at that, this doctor is hardly even out of residency he doesn't know anything about the real world. Take mine instead. I am going to send you information about my doctor so you can send it to the facility okay? I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF LARRYS DOCTOR ALREADY HAS A FUCKING ARKANSAS LICENSE! MY DOCTOR IS WILLING TO GET LICENSED AND IT CAN HAPPEN FAST. SENDING IT, SENDING IT, SENDING IT!"

*10 minutes later*

"Hey did you send my doctor to the facility?"

And I hate to make it sound like I use doctors as a pawn to get my commission check because that is absolutely not how I see it. When I get a doctor, I feel more like an aggressive parent. The approach I use is befriending and gaining the trust of the doctor, which is what most successful sales consultants do there! I would never send my doctor somewhere I know they would be unhappy. However, I will push for them to go somewhere that will be beneficial for them and myself. I want my doctors to be happy, because if they're happy and they trust me, then we have a future together full of business and more than just one commission check. And with that is battling the facility side guys... they don't care about me or my doctor. And why should they? They can send my doctor to the tundra of North Dakota in the middle of winter because their job is to fill the vacant spot for the hospital, not build a relationship with that doctor. Nobody is looking out for me and my provider other than myself, and it is my job to be protective and strategic with what I do with them. And this is the balancing act of strategy and sales that I have fallen in love with.

I remember on my first month there one of our facility side guys opened a job in Houston (which never ever happens) and everyone who was a relatively seasoned consultant was calling their book of doctors who have previously inquired about wanting to work in Houston. I simply kept calling our huge database and came upon a doctor who said they wanted to work in Houston! Very excited I went to tell them about the job and realized I couldnt find any information about it. I told the doctor I would call them back and went up to the guy who opened the job and said...
"Hey what are the details on the Houston job?"
he replied with
"It is a Houston job... how hard can it be to sell that?"
baffled I went
"uhm... i just talked to a doctor who wants to work there..."
"okay cool... well then sell it"
"Well i dont know anything about the job to tell them. How big is the hospital"
"Figure it out"
"... uhm...okay" *spends half hour trying to find out information*
"Uhm... i cant find anything. Please tell me some info"
"I dont know Ginsburg, make it up"
outraged I go
"I am sorry! Am I wasting your fucking time by asking you this?!"
"No Ginsburg, you are wasting your time."

And then it hit me... he did not give a fuck that I had a doctor who wanted to work with Houston. I was so insignificant to him and his world of things going on that if I didn't have the knowledge to sell this job then I wasn't worth his time because there was 20 other consultants selling the job to doctors they already knew everything about. My rando doctor meant nothing to him... and there was nothing I could do about it. To some of you this story may sound harsh or mean but it was the BEST lesson I have learned thus far of being in the sales world... sink or swim.

I believe Legally Blonde the musical said it best "Only some of you will turn out sharks, just some. The rest are chum."

It is funny to think about because I have only been there around two months since that incident and I already know how foolish I probably looked at that moment. I WAS wasting his time and mine. And to a sales driven man like that; time is money and if I am wasting time I am wasting money. As angry as I was at that moment, it taught me a lot and changed my whole perspective on my job and made me the shark I am becoming now... but I would never tell him that because that guy is an over confident ass hole who doesn't need my compliments to make his head bigger than it is. And I vowed to get as many doctors as I could and NEVER place them in his jobs because I don't want to give him the satisfaction of making commission off my doctors because he was SO mean to me when I was new and merely a caterpillar.

I have recently booked a doctor with this guy.

Hunt or be hunted, that is what I have learned. This job is not for everybody, especially those who are sensitive and feel victimized by the world. People who blame external events on their failures are teh kind of people who don't survive this job
"OMG she stole my doctor"
"OMG I cant get any leads because everyone pulls them before me"
"OMG she is just placing a doctor because she kisses ass"
"OMG my manager is out to get me"
"OMG why is everyone so mean to me here?"
These people leave. It is only those who take control of their fate and accept failure as lessons that do well. There is a special kind of joy that one feels when they feel they completely control their career path. '

So unless you have the mindset more like...
"No, your doctor was stolen because you slacked and didn't follow up"
"No, you didnt get a lead because you dont come in early or on Saturdays and decided bed was more important"
"No, you just decided to be an introvert and not make the right connections"
"No, you just decided to fight your manager other than just go with it"
"No, you just piss people off with your bitching"
You will probably fail.

When I first started everyone said "this job is hard" well yeah it is hard! Because it is all based on learning, being aggressive, being strategic, being personable, and not being a huge pussy who blames other people for their problems. Only strong people can take accountability for all their actions. In this job, you are not a victim of anyone other than yourself.

And this mentality is what is helping me become so successful in my job. Movies like Boiler Room and Wolf of Wall Street are now relatable to me. Every minute of every hour of every day is a chance to take control of your career and make something happen and make great money. It is tiring and exhausting and mentally draining, but if I was doing something else now, I feel I would be bored.

And now.. I am late for work and at least one of my doctors has probably been swooped up. Fuck.

Florida: The Homeland of People Hotter Than You.

"Oh you want me to go to the beach with you? I can't I am sorry. I have plans today"

*stays in apartment and eats a frozen pizza*

So as I am sure anyone knows, people in Florida are hot AF. Everyone, especially the girls. Back in Ohio you can have a little pudge to you and still be pretty decently looking compared to your surroundings, but down here forget about it. Like in Ohio I was doing pretty okay for myself but down here WHOA it is a fucking battle of the hotties that I am not even throwing my punches in for. At least I have my personality, am I right or am i right?! The girls down here are way fashionable, skinny, flawless skin and all have great hair.

Seriously... how do they get their hair to look like that? I tried curling my hair the way girls do down here and I walked into my office and someone said "Oh i see you decided to leave your hair wet today". -Uhm... on the contrary I spent a good 45 minutes trying to figure out how to use my hair straightner as a curling iron and then get it to stay but sure lets just go with the fact it is fucking wet.-

Anyways, one of the big thing down here is how thin everyone is, which everyone like to use the term "fit" but no hun you are just a thin girl. I don't see any calf muscles or six pack.
You.
Are.
A.
SkinnyBitch.
AND IT IS OKAY! In fact I can't help but be insanely envious of all the girls and the pride they have on making sure they stay skinny. And they talk about it because they know they are skinny! Like me and my friends would always make fun of ourselves being like "ohhh we are so fat" but on teh contrary I literally have girls tell me "gosh I am so skinny! I love it!" I think that's a little socially retarded to say out loud but whatever, who am I to judge? Like I think I can honestly say that I value my sunday night chinese over a thigh gap any day. Food and Netlix are not hobbies down here to the ladies of Florida like they were to me and all of my friends in Ohio ~*~PeEjRaTz ~*~.

But I really do wish that I cared as much as they do! And unfortunately I have become self conscious. Not too long ago I had a coworker invite me to go to the beach with her and her friends. And these girls are just straight up bombshells; over my dead body was I going to get in a bathing suite and stand next to them. So obviously I lied and said I couldn't go. I told my friend I had plans already and was busy all day... but I didn't have plans so I just went to Publix and got a frozen pizza and watched Bridezillas on Netflix. Like no way am I going to be THAT girl. I may not have even been THAT girl. However I wasn't risking it.

My Florida friends and me take a trip to the beach!

Now I am not calling myself fat. I am joking if I ever say I am. However I am not the stick skinny that is constantly roaming around here. I mean I have been gifted/cursed with a huge butt that has been following me around since the 3rd grade. My body will always be curvy, it wasn't meant to be teeny tiny. But it doesnt need to be flabby and it isn't. All I care about is making sure I am never fat. I want to always be just skinny enough that if someone who hates me goes "Dude and Kelly is fat" that whoever they are ranting to will say/think "well... not really"

Thats my standard for myself, I never want to be fat enough that someone can use it to talk shit about me. As long as I am not that, I am happy.

To maintain a decent body I recently started running every single day. I suck at it, but I try. I run 3 miles straight every day after work. I also (try to) go to yoga on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Finally, I also have a nutribullet every morning for breakfast. This helps me maintain a good enough body to keep me confident.

However, regardless of my confidence in myself I cannot help but compare myself to those around me. I hope I never become one of these very thin self conscious girls. This whole post was inspired by a thin girl I saw at the gym a few days ago. I was doing my 6.5 miles per hour run on the treadmill when I noticed this very very very teeny tiny girl next to me running like a maniac. My first thought was "ughhhhh I WANNA BE THAT TINY I WOULD BE SO ADORABLE!!! If I was that small I would make guys pick me up all the time and repost the insanely stupid articles about stuff short girls are sick of hearing because being short and adorable is probably SOOOOOO hard right?"
My second thought was "wow... shes going really hard and really fast.... shit should I speed up my treadmill? Is she judging how slow I am going? She better not be judging me... I bet she is... She probably thinks I am a pussy" **presses speed button up to 7 MPH then immediately regrets that decision and brings it back down to 6.5**.
My third thought was "wow she looks uncomfortable...". Next thing I know after about 7 minutes of her running she flys back on the treadmill, jumps off, and curls onto the ground panting. Face is beet red and it is obvious she is doing everything she can to catch her breath. Like... what am I suppose to do? Do I ask if she is okay? I would be embarrassed if someone asked me that. So I just pretended not to notice. Now, I am no physical trainer, however it is obvious that she has completely overworked herself. Oh well lesson learned right? NO! The munchkin crawls back on and keeps pushing herself to keep going! She doesn't need to be working herself that hard that she is literally flying off the treadmill.

This is the kind of effort that girls down here put into making sure they stay VERY thin. They overwork their bodies to unhealthy points with no nutrition. I have had girls at work tell me that they distract themselves during lunch with other activities so they don't eat lunch, and then they take an adderall before they leave work so they won't be hungry when they get home and then they don't have to eat dinner. And then on top of all that they work out like crazy! I mean that has to be unhealthy right? I cannot become one of those people, except who knows maybe I will fall into that trap.

To wrap it up, I am not preaching "everyone's body is beautiful" because I don't believe that. I believe in being healthy, even If I don't follow it myself. I am fully guilty of day drinking beers all day and then inhaling three cheesy gordita crunches, but that is my choice to treat myself while I am young once in awhile because I work out and eat moderately well 9 times out of 10. Everyone has different body types and thats okay, however there is no excuse to be obese. Like I will always have a huge butt, there is nothing that is going to fix that. But there is no excuse to have a fat stomach or cellulite all over my thighs, and I make sure I work on avoiding that. There is a healthy middle between being a big fatty and being a 80 pound girl who hasn't eaten in days and is flying off the back of a treadmill in a desperate hope to be skinny because they are so self conscious. But overall I understand this stress to be insanely skinny. I feel the pressure every single day when I walk outside, because everyone IS so good looking and fit. It is hard not to get wrapped up with wanting to be like that since it is what is considered "hot". I am not blaming society or the media for this, I just think it is interesting to notice. I want to be as hot as these girls, so I do what I can within reason to be like that. And every other girl has the same mindset, they just want to be considered attractive so they do what they can, just some take it to a more drastic point than others.

And this is coming from the girl who ate a frozen pizza so she didn't have to go to the beach because I couldn't stand the thought of comparing myself to the other girls down there. As I eat better and work out more and gain confidence overall being down here I am not as embarrassed... but what I am getting at is everyone in Florida is really beautiful haha.

And I am not the only one who thinks this, Amy Schumer agrees! Watch this clip, I couldn't agree with it more... "I went to Miami and I am never going back. Everyone was GORGEOUS... In New York I was like a 6 with all the padding but in Miami I was like a negative 3" PREACH AMY I FEEL YOU!
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/xrv97n/comedy-central-presents-the-homeland

Sex, Love, and Kickball

I joined an adult kickball league a few months ago. I have been meaning to write about it but I never knew what to say. However, now that my first season is winding down, I have been reflecting back on what a killer decision I made.

Now as any social group I tend to join, my first encounter was kind of awkward. It was the kind of awkward where the teams had their first meet up at a bar you sit in the bathroom texting your one contact to meet you at a certain point in the bar so you're not wandering around alone like a god damn nerd trying to look for people you don't know what they look like; but your contact doesnt respond so eventually you gather up the courage to venture out to the yuppie filled bar and walk up to a group and go "HEY GUYS! Are you on the dodgeball league?! I just joined and don't know anyone" and they respond with "uhmmm do you mean the kickball league?.." so obviously I make a 180 and retreated back to the bathroom stall which i have just emerged from until my contact mets me. Then I danced with a girl on another team and a bunch of people started thinking I was a lesbian and idk it was a weird time.

Anyways. So my friend from work Larry was the one who told me about this league in the first place. He doesn't usually show up because he says "kickball is more fun when you're single" which duh just like most social drinking clubs are. I told him he should come anyways however he said he would rather hang out with his girlfriend than go out because he loves her and loves spending time with her... which like *in robot voice* does-not-compute to me. People actually like hanging out with their girlfriend? That is so silly... psh so silly... soooooo sooooooooo silly. Pshh... psh. 

Anywho... Larry told me when I joined "whatever you do, do not become a kickball hoe". I pulled it off all cool like "whoa what do you mean? You think I would be a hoe?" and he goes "just dont do it. watch out for it"

Okay so I understand what he means. Because our FIRST GAME, everyone can already distinguish what a kickball hoe and who is not. At our first game there was a fucking girls in bunny ears on and their god damn tatas out for the world to see. I thought to myself "ahh... so this league IS perfect for single people!"

It is hard not to get lost in the simplicity of the whole league. We are playing a game that most people haven't been familiar with since grade school, drink while playing, and then go to the bar where we all look like shit after playing! No pressure of dressing to impress or being someone you are not. No wonder so many people find someone to hook up with, after playing a kickball game in this humid weather you can pretty much only look like a 6 or 7 a best at the bar, so we all kind of have a chance with anyone. You hang out with your team, play drinking games and are amongst a bunch of other young adults who literally just want to have fun on that thursday night and dread that Friday morning office hangover. The best part is half my team works at my company so we can give each other the little point and nod at the office the next day with eyes that say "heyyyyyy I know why you need that gatorade". I was in love; and I love my team. This is all I had ever wanted

I feel like most people feel like this about their team, but I felt like my team could be the basis of a movie. We were an eclectic group of individuals with no drama and all just had the drive to drink and have fun. Even the few interrelationships that happened throughout the season between teammates created literally no friction. The guys on our team were fun and funny and the girls were finally cool girls I could hang out with. One stands in the field and dances the whole game, another one brings her cup out to the field when she plays second base and keeps a stern eye on it making sure it doesn't tip over; these are my ladies. And the best part about the team was... we kept winning! Sometimes it didn't even feel like we tried, we just kept winning game after game and going out and having a good time doing it. Some teams you would see a coach standing on the side screaming at everyone and people getting really pissed when someone messed up But not us, I mean not all of us even had cleats (that was me). On our team we just kind of played and the most we ever got yelled at was when we were too drunk on the field and our coach threatened to make us stop drinking, but he was drunk too I'm pretty sure so stuff it Ruskin, you would never do that to us. It is funny to think back to the first time I hung out with them and how I was chugging beers to make myself less nervous and more social and now we are all good friends who dance and hulahoop on the dance floor and buy shots for each other from teh bartender named Mickey. Next week we have playoffs, which made me sad because that means the league was ending... however not really because it starts back up mid October! Huzzah!!!

It was funny because I was reading an article on Cosmo that was called 12 Tips For Surviving the Transition From College To Real Person and tip #4 was literally
4. Do new things. Like, join a cornhole team. Or a kickball team, which is a thing people do now to meet each other and feel a little fratty while they're at it.
This made me very happy. Very good decision I made and I encourage others to do it. Perfect for the young professional and also great if you are single because everyone is hot and friendly. I cannot wait until next season.


Also I know half my team reads my blog so HI GUYS! #TeamStrangerDanger see you Thursday!

100 Days of Happiness Challenge

On Friday night I went out in Miami. I went to a wild club and spent $100s of dollars on cover charges and approximately 3 drinks, talked to a stripper in the club bathroom line, stayed out until 5 AM and by the time I got home the sun was way out. It was what I pictured this whole time what a night in Miami would be like and it was all I ever wanted since I moved here.

However, that was not what necessarily made me happy. I thought it would be but the pure content of the night didn't make me happy. But then again not a lot of the situations I have gotten myself into down here have made me as happy as I was when I was skipping around Court Street between the Srat Kastle, Blue House, Dove Cage and the Crystal day drinking with my band of best friends.

I spent all this past Saturday curled up recovering while watching the first season of  Californication and empathizing with Hank Moody on how sad our life is and how great it use to be and how nobody understands us anymore. By 7 PM I had done enough wallowing and went over to eat cheese and crackers with my friend Jack and his wife Stephany.

I love going over to hang out with Jack and the wifey. All we do is stay up all night eating food and have deep discussions on family matters, social standards, love and basically life in general. I always leave feeling either overly wrapped up in a social issue or with a new take on life. However, whenever I go over there on a weekend night Jack always makes comments about how I must be having "the worst night ever" because I am spending my weekend night with an old married couple eating food. I never understood how to combat these comments. Those nights of good company and great conversation are times I feel very happy. Jack and Stephany have two kids, they have a family, and whenever I need them, they invite me in and make me comfortable and allow me to be apart of their little family. I don't understand how that can be categorized as the "worst night ever".

Last night we talked about happiness. I was saying how stressed I feel all the time because I want to be happy but I don't feel I have the tools to make me happy yet. In my mind...

• I won't be happy until I have close friends
• I can't do anything to make friends until I have money
• I won't have more money unless I work all the time
• If I work all the time I won't have time to be open to making friends
• One day... I will have money and friends. And that day I will be happy.

Jack gave me some of the best advice I have gotten yet which is...

"If you want to be happy just decide you are happy."

Easier said than done obviously. However happiness is just a mental state. If I spend every day looking forward to another day, how can I expect to be happy that particular day. 

For example... I spent my last few weeks at Ohio University looking forward to my adventure down to Florida. While I loved my friends, my bartending job, and home so much I expected to be a happier person down in Florida because I wouldn't be living my spiraling out of control college life anymore and would be on the path to a new and more wholesome life. 

Once I moved down here... I was lonely as hell. So I spent every single day waiting for the day my friend Jamie was coming down to visit me. I was sad every day until that day came because I knew when she was there I would be happy, but every day until then I did not believe I had the potential to be happy.

The weekend with Jamie came and went in a flash... So since then I have spent every single day since then waiting for October 9th, which is the day I fly out for Ohio University's Homecoming. That weekend will be the next time I will be happy.

But that is a stupid fucking way of thinking. Spending every day counting down to a better day? Thats a great way to wake up one morning and go "shit I have spent a lot of time being sad"

So I came across this social media challenge called the 100 Days of Happiness Challenge. Basically every day for 100 days you post on social media a moment that made you happy to create a collaboration of happy moments. It's suppose to help guide people into recognizing being happy. The concept is kind of messed up if you think about it... like basically everyone has to post online to social media moments that make them happy just to remind themselves and others to be happy... nobody can just have that state of mind. But look who's talking... I am literally writing a blog post about how to be happy. And honestly, I will go with it. The concept is cute and guiding and I will give it a try. So that way I can focus less on all the trillions of things that make me sad and start just recognizing a happy moment each day. And I decided if I can't think of something that made me happy that day, then I guess I need to create a moment that will make me happy. 

Challenge accepted. However I cannot justify the idea of whoring out my happy moments on social media every single day in order to get attention and "likes" so today I went and bought a 100 page journal and every day I am going to write about one of those happy moments and keep track of them.

Day 1: I went to American Apparel and bought the jean shorts I try on bi-monthly and go "ughhhh if only I had more money". Fuck that, fuck you 60 dollars, and hello high waisted washed out denim shorts and my first moment of appreciated happiness. 

Yes, You are Psychos.

On Friday night I went out with a new coworker. I was very excited because like me he was new to the company and in his 20s.

I mention that he is in his 20s because the only humans I have been surrounded by are mainly 30 somethings who go out with me until like 10:45 and then have to go in because they are old and "can't keep up with me". I NEED to be around someone who can keep up with me!

So we went to an outdoor bar and drank a trillion $5 mix drinks (yes I am excited about the 5 dollar price. Why? Because I am not in Athens anymore and can hardly afford to get a buzz the few times I go out in Florida). The night was fuzzy but nothing bad. I say my goodbye and go home. The next day I said "that was fun! It was fun to go out with someone young in the company" and he goes "you're mean when you drink"

...Whoa wait what? Now I have heard a lot of different things I have been called through my four years of college drinking (not counting things my ex boyfriend said to me because lets face it no drunk college girl is ever nice to her boyfriend. Sorry bud! You were a trooper) but mean was never one of them.

I had heard...

• funny
• wild
• out of control
• blunt
• crazy
• unbelievable
• stubborn
• inaudible
• a great bartender
• ridiculous
• black swan
• crying
• bipolar

But never mean... I am not mean. And if I am I wouldn't be to someone I didn't know. I ask him "whoa what did i do?!" and he goes "you kept calling me a psycho"

Now if you know me from Athens you are probably getting a good laugh out of this because that's just me thing. It's a word I use and never really thought twice about. Its not offensive it's just something I say. I try to explain this but this guy was legit upset over it. Oh well. Mental note that I can't call people psychos.

As I spent the rest of my Saturday laying out alone at a bay near my apartment avoiding my snapchats  from friends in Athens while instead watching hundreds of yachts drive by with groups of friends dancing and singing "I like us better when we're WAAASSSTTTTEEEEDDD" I couldn't help but think about the fact I had been called mean. How can I afford to be mean at a time like this? How can you be mean when you have no intention of being mean? I appreciate every person I have come in contact with since I moved down here.

I'll tell you Florida people what mean is...

Mean is not appreciating human interaction. The line I have heard dozens of times since I have moved down is "I mean.. he makes a lot of money". People are obsessed with going for men who make a lot of money. I literally describe my company as "a place where decent looking guys get hot girls without trying because they are good on the phone". I had a colleague ask me the other day what kind of guy I like and I said "Probably -insert guy from work who is really loud and really funny and obviously the alpha male of the company- but if you subtracted a few years. I can't date an old guy" my colleague responds with "oh yeah and he makes a lot of money"

No actually that's not it. In fact the thought seriously didn't even pop up in my head. This is something I never thought about until I either entered south Florida or the corporate world, I can't tell which yet. But how come the qualities of confidence and humor where something so undervalued and not even considered the base of what attracted me to someone. And this isn't the first time I have heard this, I have been hearing thousands of rumors of girls liking guys for their money, or girls just straight telling me that is why they like someone.

And don't get me wrong, I would love for someone to buy all my stuff. I'm poor as fuck! I literally begged a guy to let me babysit his kids so that I could watch his cable (oooooooooooooo Pawn Stars, Teen Mom, and Chopped.. how I have missed you!). I guess it's not until you are completely alone that you really understand the true value in life; which is genuine friendship. I am truly disgusted that this is the mindset people have around here.

And then I am the one who is mean and lonely.

And all in all while this rant has little to nothing to do with the young 20 something guy from work who originally call me "mean", the bottom line is I am not mean. I am genuine. And I may be blunt and weird and not fit in very well down here, but I am not mean. Mean is using people. I had never been around so many people who use each other for sex, money, and social standings. And here I am only wanting a friend to drink a loaded Corona with me on a boat while singing top 40s songs... However the concept that using people is less mean than calling someone a name is pychotic to me.

So now that I think about you, you truly are all psychos.

How to get the attention of your colleagues!

So being a 22 fresh out of college, everyone in the office expects me to be slightly unprofessional however I am still help to the professional standard of a 40 year old who has been in the workforce for so many years. Also, being new, a girl, young, naive, and having no clue how to do my job, I am also the perfect target to prank. Today I was pranked... and I made sure everyone found out about it.... accidentally.

In my job I am a medical staffer where I call physicians and find them positions are hospitals. As a new person, I am basically making cold calls and have been told countless times to not expect anything exciting my first whole year. Well I made my very first call, left a voicemail, and hung up. I felt good because the first one I knew would be the hardest.
All of a sudden my phone rings, IT WAS THE DOCTOR I JUST CALLED!
Me: Hello this is Kelly!
Doc: Hey you just called me
Me: Hey doctor! I was just calling because I had an amazing opportunity in....

--Go on with sales pitch over position. At this point I am beyond excited because just for me to recruit a doctor into our system was enough to make me look good and learn about the next stages in placing a doctor. I couldnt believe it! My first call and I already was talking to a doctor and getting his information! And he sounded genuinly interested in the position. WHAT COULD GO WRONG?! Also keep in mind this is in an accent--

Me: Hey doctor I am going to send you more information on this job and you can look at your availability. When you get to your desk will you send me your CV?
Doc: You sound pretty, you send me picture.

--No freaking way was I doing that. But rumor had it from other girls in the office that this kind of thing happens all the time and the best thing you can do is keep it cool. Because if you stay friendly, you can still probably book a gig! And honestly since I worked in a bar for two years, lets face it I'm not above dealing with clients saying stuff like this--

Me: hahah aww well thanks but no way doc.
Doc: You send me picture
Me: I'm sorry doctor but I am not sending you a picture
Doc: Yes you sound pretty. Send me pic.
Me: Look doctor if you go to this facility, stay there for a year, then and only then will you see a picture of me.

--For around a $4,000+ bonus, they can absolutely get a Facebook profile picture.--

Doc: No you send me one now
Me: No doc, I am not just sending you a picture of what I look like with nothing in return. Do you want the job or not?
Doc: Hahahahhahahaha just kidding. Kelly, its Larry. (Larry, a guy on my team three cubicles down from me who had me on speaker so my team could all hear)

At this point I am not only embarrassed, but I am also heart broken. I thought I was about to get my first client! I had all the information set up and was excited to have bragging rights! I felt like it was an omen that I was going to be good at my job. But it wasn't. The whole conversation wasn't real.

Me: GOD DAMN IT ARE YOU SERIOUS?! *slams phone down* *looks up*

A whole room of cubicles is silent looking at me. The only people not silent were people on my team laughing hysterically.

I also couldn't believe I just yelled "god damn it" across my very first office floor. There is no way that is HR appropriate.

I was punkd. Everyone heard about it. Everyone came to my desk and made jokes about it. My boss reassured me "only people who are well liked get pranks pulled on them, its apart of the culture." and then went on to remind me how I don't want to stick out at the 22 year old by yelling profanities across the office.

I sunk into my chair and didn't leave my desk after that. Fuming and brainstorming how I can possibly get back at my collegues to redeem any bit of dignity I have left. On a positive note, everyone knows who I am now... even if its as "The new girl who had that hilarious prank pulled on her by Larry and then yelled 'damn it' across the floor"

TGIF