However, that was not what necessarily made me happy. I thought it would be but the pure content of the night didn't make me happy. But then again not a lot of the situations I have gotten myself into down here have made me as happy as I was when I was skipping around Court Street between the Srat Kastle, Blue House, Dove Cage and the Crystal day drinking with my band of best friends.
I spent all this past Saturday curled up recovering while watching the first season of Californication and empathizing with Hank Moody on how sad our life is and how great it use to be and how nobody understands us anymore. By 7 PM I had done enough wallowing and went over to eat cheese and crackers with my friend Jack and his wife Stephany.
I love going over to hang out with Jack and the wifey. All we do is stay up all night eating food and have deep discussions on family matters, social standards, love and basically life in general. I always leave feeling either overly wrapped up in a social issue or with a new take on life. However, whenever I go over there on a weekend night Jack always makes comments about how I must be having "the worst night ever" because I am spending my weekend night with an old married couple eating food. I never understood how to combat these comments. Those nights of good company and great conversation are times I feel very happy. Jack and Stephany have two kids, they have a family, and whenever I need them, they invite me in and make me comfortable and allow me to be apart of their little family. I don't understand how that can be categorized as the "worst night ever".
Last night we talked about happiness. I was saying how stressed I feel all the time because I want to be happy but I don't feel I have the tools to make me happy yet. In my mind...
- I won't be happy until I have close friends
- I can't do anything to make friends until I have money
- I won't have more money unless I work all the time
- If I work all the time I won't have time to be open to making friends
- One day... I will have money and friends. And that day I will be happy.
Jack gave me some of the best advice I have gotten yet which is...
"If you want to be happy just decide you are happy."
Easier said than done obviously. However happiness is just a mental state. If I spend every day looking forward to another day, how can I expect to be happy that particular day.
For example... I spent my last few weeks at Ohio University looking forward to my adventure down to Florida. While I loved my friends, my bartending job, and home so much I expected to be a happier person down in Florida because I wouldn't be living my spiraling out of control college life anymore and would be on the path to a new and more wholesome life.
Once I moved down here... I was lonely as hell. So I spent every single day waiting for the day my friend Jamie was coming down to visit me. I was sad every day until that day came because I knew when she was there I would be happy, but every day until then I did not believe I had the potential to be happy.
The weekend with Jamie came and went in a flash... So since then I have spent every single day since then waiting for October 9th, which is the day I fly out for Ohio University's Homecoming. That weekend will be the next time I will be happy.
But that is a stupid fucking way of thinking. Spending every day counting down to a better day? Thats a great way to wake up one morning and go "shit I have spent a lot of time being sad"
So I came across this social media challenge called the 100 Days of Happiness Challenge. Basically every day for 100 days you post on social media a moment that made you happy to create a collaboration of happy moments. It's suppose to help guide people into recognizing being happy. The concept is kind of messed up if you think about it... like basically everyone has to post online to social media moments that make them happy just to remind themselves and others to be happy... nobody can just have that state of mind. But look who's talking... I am literally writing a blog post about how to be happy. And honestly, I will go with it. The concept is cute and guiding and I will give it a try. So that way I can focus less on all the trillions of things that make me sad and start just recognizing a happy moment each day. And I decided if I can't think of something that made me happy that day, then I guess I need to create a moment that will make me happy.
Challenge accepted. However I cannot justify the idea of whoring out my happy moments on social media every single day in order to get attention and "likes" so today I went and bought a 100 page journal and every day I am going to write about one of those happy moments and keep track of them.
Day 1: I went to American Apparel and bought the jean shorts I try on bi-monthly and go "ughhhh if only I had more money". Fuck that, fuck you 60 dollars, and hello high waisted washed out denim shorts and my first moment of appreciated happiness.
No comments:
Post a Comment