Dates are all fun and games until its with a Florida boy.

There is another girl who is new at my office that is very close in my age. She asked me if I wanted to go on a double date with her and this guy she was talking to younger brother. Since I don't know anyone and I am desperate to find friends, I am not really in the right place to turn down plans so I agreed to go. Worst thing that happens is I have a funny story to talk about.

Me and my new coworker started off by doing a power hour and exchanging stories of old friends and ex boyfriends. After we had enough liquid courage we went over to go out with the guys. By definition they were very attractive men. Chiseled chins, tan, muscular  arms. All the bull shit that techinically makes a guy attractive. We went lazer tagging and out to a country bar. Obviously since my date was technically "my" date, he obviously felt this need to touch me. A lot.

Now in college there really isn't "dates" at least not any I have been on. Usually its more of a drunken across the bar point at 2 AM saying "YOU". But idk I'm just going with the motions. After the night was over and we left the bar I said "lets get drunk food!!!" and then my friend replied with "YESSS LETS GO!"

Our dates drove us to Wendys, where we got all the fast food in the world... and when I say "we" I mean me and my friend from work. My date says "wow I haven't had a french fry in a long time". So at this point I do not trust my date. Who the fuck doesn't eat french fries? Both brothers start lecturing us on how bad fast food is for us and how they only eat healthy. I go "What about take out chinese... im like addicted to that" and my date replies with "do you just hate your body or what?"

LOL well as if it couldn't get much worse from the unsolicited touching, the fast food lecture, and overall just meeting someone who hates french fries, my date decided to grab my hand and put it on his stomach..

"feel those abs?"

Alright girly, time to get the fuck out. Last thing I want to hear about anymore is how kale is better for you than spinach because honestly if its green and leafy and I am eating it, I am already in my opinion making an effort. I'm also kind of freaked out by the amount of hair glue and face washes are in these guys bathroom anyways. I pray to the dating gods how lucky I was his phone was broken so he could not get my number. According to my BFF Ben, thats how all born and raised Florida boys are. I am 1000% positive I would rather date a fat guy than be in conversation with a Florida born and raised boy ever again. 

Shorts... no not that short.

One of the things that was hugely advertised when I interviewed for my job was the casualness of the office. Word for word what I kept hearing was "its all shorts and flip flops". Hell yeah! Thank the lord because I hate jeans and I am not trying to wear a business outfit five days a week!

This past Friday was the first day I could wear whatever I want, since during training you are required to wear business casual. I put on my first and only shirt with the office logo on it, floral pattern shorts, and flip flops.

For the past four years keep in mind I had been wearing frat tanks and Nike shorts. #sratlife

My boss came up to my and told me "do you know our dress code" and I said "yeah no tank tops or spaghetti straps"

She replies with "yeah but you also cannot wear shorty shorts like that"

I look down, I didn't think they were short. But then again I looked around the room and noticed not one other girl was wearing shorts"

I reply with "oh... I am sorry. Everyone kept saying we could wear shorts.."

She said "Well yes you can, if they are longer like to your knees. Not short like that". As she went on I started to drown in the rookie mistake I made. I ran home at lunchtime and changed into jeans. I came back to my desk with an email going over in detail the "appropriate work attire reminder" from my boss. Everyone seemed to notice I changed...

Work strike #2

The Office Racist

My company is full of young people with crazy personalities. Every person I talked to made me more and more excited to be there. Even though I didn't really know anybody in Florida, I sure was hopeful I would find my friends in the office because everyone was so nice.

At lunch on my third day, I met a tall attractive man in probably his late 20s. He had cool tattoos up and down both his arms. He started talking about work and giving tips and I noticed he had an accent. I asked him about it and he told me he was from South Africa and moved here with his family. I responded with "Oh! South Africa! Thats so cool! I bet you hear that line from Mean Girls all the time that goes 'if you're from Africa, why are you white?'" Everyone around us at lunch got quiet, except him who responded with "haha yeah I hear that all the time actually".

I was kinda excited because I had always wanted to use that line in real life... but something I forgot is that we live in a politically correct society where anything and everything is offensive. I was later pulled to the side by a colleague who told me that was an inappropriate thing to say and I shouldn't be making racial jokes in the office...

Well shit. Day three and I'm already a race offender. Apparently not everyone has seen Mean Girls or find Mean Girl references universally appropriate at all times. Office strike #1

"Omg Kelly you just can't just assume racial comments are appropriate conversation"

Casual Friday

The reason I started blogging is because within the few weeks I moved down here, I have encountered more awkward moments than my entire awkward life combined. I knew transitioning from the pre college to post college in the professional world would be difficult, but I didn't even think about my transition from Athens, Ohio girl to Downtown Miami girl would go. 

I only knew one person near where I was moving in Florida, my GBFF from high school named Ben. he was my other half in high school and he was now my crutch to gaining a social life in a new city. My first weekend down here, he took me out in downtown Miami with some of his friends. Normally in Athens, you don't really dress up to go out. You kind of wear a cute shirt, shorts, and some flats. Whatever would be fun and comfortable to run around Court Street in and something you didn't really care got stained. If you were feeling fancy you MIGHT wear a sundress or a skirt and if you REALLY wanted to catch someone's attentions, you would wear wedges. If you were running around in a bandage dress and heels, it was obvious you were a freshman. 

So for my first night out in Miami I decided to dress up a little trendier than usual, I mean come on its Miami, gotta look good. I put on a blue crop top and a tight skirt that just covered my little lower tummy flab and showed off the top flatter part of my stomach, basically my personal optical illusion to look like I have a flat tummy. I also wore my brand new Steve Madden gladiator shoes. I was excited because I felt like I looked kinda beachy, which is obviously how everyone dresses in Florida right? Well no. I met up with Ben and his friends and noticed I was the only girl not on pumps... This may not seem like a big deal but I sure stick out when every girl looks tan, blonde hair, tall, long legged, and in skin tight dresses, and I was short pale and looking pretty stumpy next to them. Ben told me it was okay because I was dressed "casual Friday". Sure... lets go with that.

The next day I bought 3 pairs of heels and five tight dresses. 

Life was merely a dream... Until I graduated.

My name is Kelly, and I am making the rocky transition from college midwest Ohio girl to South Florida professional world. I just graduated from Ohio University, and if you know anything about Ohio University and Athens, Ohio, you know it is just one huge party. Athens is this magical little kingdom where college students just drink and have fun all the time. We made a fest over anything. One time the school got shut down because a man with a gun robbed a guy of 5 dollars and took off, so the bars opened early and we made up "Fugitive Fest" and drank all day.

When I was a freshman, my boyfriends at the time told me "if you want to be an Athen's A-list celebrity, you have to become a bartender at one of the main bars". Challenge accepted. I spent 2 years trying to get a job at the Fraternity/ Sorority bar called The Crystal. The Crystal is a different kind of bar than anything you usually experience. There is no deals, no drink menu, no food, and pretty much no rules if you were a regular. The drinks were huge, strong, and cheap. Even if you went to a different bar early in the night, you ended up at Crystal eventually. It reminded me of a clubhouse for college students, and eventually I got a job as a bartender there. I literally felt like i joined an elite group of celebrities.

College was a dream. I had the best job that gave me so much leverage on campus, a huge group of amazing friends, a competitive sorority, and an easy major that allowed to have maximum social life time. Every day felt like it was sunny, beautiful, full of friends and drunken charades. That was until May 3rd 2014, when it all ended with a rolled up piece of paper that said I understood communication studies and was fully equipped for the "real world".

At the time I was too blind to see how much of a dream I was waking up from. I had gotten a job in South Florida, which was going to be AWESOME! I mean I am moving an hour north of Miami to Fort Lauderdale. People pay hundreds of dollars to go to Fort Lauderdale. And my job is one of those "laid back" jobs where they like to make sure their employees can express themselves and be comfortable. I was so excited by this vision I had for myself as a trendy South Florida young professional, I didn't realize how awkward this transition really would be... This is my awkward journey.